RSS FeedFiled under: Action, Movie Reviews | Tags: Charlize Theron, Eddie Marsan, Jason Bateman, Peter Berg, Will Smith
A homeless superhero, aye? Who also HAPPENS to be black…Although, I could not imagine Hancock as any other ethnicity. He could be white I guess but that would produce less lovable results. He could be Mexican but people would just assume he’s a day laborer if he sits anywhere. He could be Asian but that’s just not believable. A homeless Asian? Bitch please, there’s always nails.
I happen to think I witnessed a real-life Hancock before from the patio of a bar. Lives were not saved or did DUI flying occur, the cockeyed bum just did a series of back flips and front flips like a gymnast down the middle of the street for five dollars (that’s how much the drunken pool of money amounted to). I really have very little criticisms for Hancock. Drunk, homeless superheroes appeal to my cynical side and white pretty ladies, Charlize Theron, completes what I expect from a Hollywood film. It’s so good I want to drool.
Five, the holy grail of Punch and Us ratings. Pretentiousness aside, the commercial has proven to me that Hancock is the definition of a blockbuster.
- Hien
(Niko is on a very long vacation. So, hold on to the strings of your boxer shorts. Also, we’re working on our site, to be moved to an actual domain that we paid real money for–not with our usual Monopoly bills).
Filed under: Comedy, Movie Reviews | Tags: Anne Hathaway, Steve Carell, The Rock (Dwayne Johnson)
There’s no way Hollywood is going to convince me that Anne Hathaway is hot AND tough (there’s something about the huge eyes, wide mouth and pasty skin). That combination only works on cyclops. She is cute, in the same way Rugrats were cute, but Rugrats didn’t try to convince us that they are secret agents. Now, Steve Carell and The Rock, that’s more believable, but it’s probably because I grew up on Inspector Gadget and James Bond movies. Also, Angelina Jolie has ruined my image of female spies forever. I expect them to be pouty with defined shoulders and have columns of squiggly lines for tattoos. Then again, I’m also convinced that God looks like Morgan Freeman, but I will never let the media brainwash me into believing that Anne Hathaway is hot. Never! Well….maybe in Brokeback Mountain…
Espionage with plenty of hijinks and action scenes. This is what the summer-movie-crowd likes.
-Hien
Filed under: Comedy, Movie Reviews | Tags: Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Mike Myers, Steven Colbert, Verne Troyer
Indians are funny. There’s bindis, and accents, and curry smells, and Ganesh. Small people are funny too with their toddler-sized shoes and helium voices but somehow The Love Guru seems very unfunny. The only good reason to watch this movie is to see Jessica Alba’s side boob like in Good Luck Chuck, but there’s no indication of that in the commercial. Well, if not you could always try to strip your fat male friend. A side boob is a side boob.
Two, because there might be side boob.
- Hien
Filed under: Action, Movie Reviews | Tags: Angelina Jolie, Common, James McAvoy, Kristen Hager, Morgan Freeman
Furthering their typecasted celebrity, Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman reprise their roles as a smoldering bad ass and comforting grandfather. However, these are the only things that Wanted seems to get right. While Hollywood is notorious for defying and destroying the laws of technology (see Untraceable), it manages to one-up itself as Wesley Gibson googles his name to zero search results. First, he didn’t even put his query in quotations, which opens the floor to any page that contains those two words at any point. Second, say he properly knew how to use search engines, he still would’ve found something seeing as his name is as generic as white bread.
Let’s see what happens when we google “Wesley Gibson” and, for purity, omit the movie title from our return. Oh look, scores of pages!
All nerding out on how to effectively scour the Net aside, this is… still awful.
- Niko
If this is suppose to be Earth 700 years into the future, then why does Wall-E look so much like R.O.B., the Nintendo robot? Then again, big eyes on a stout body melts all hearts, e.g. babies. Wall-E is another animation gem from Pixar, the makers of Finding Nemo. Regardless of being completely alone with no supervisors or moms, he hasn’t stop performing the same task he was programmed to when Earth was actually populated with other beings. He also has developed human characteristics–a personality and the capacity for love. An animated robot is turning out to be a better human than I am. I went hungry once during my college years because the dining hall was too far of a walk. But, I do share one commonality with Wall-E. I, too, am in love with an Egg Vibrator.
Animated robots who find love in a dystopia–how could it be bad?
- Hien
