Touting around “From the guys who brought you Superbad” sets the bar pretty damn high for Pineapple Express. It’s funny enough, but comparing the dynamic between Jonah Hill and Michael Cera to Seth Rogen and James Franco is like crisp apples to oranges a little further on the ripening process. Unlike the subtlety that defined Superbad, Pineapple Express‘ humor is obvious almost to the extent of Will Ferrell & Co.

Oh, and you see that cop lady? Rosie Perez is back, bitches.

Stoner hijinks are always a safe bet for hearty laughs. And neck cast guy is looking to be scene stealer, but he ain’t no McLovin.

- Niko

Two divorcees find the ability to love again as they find they share many things in common. One being that they both fail in the parenting department. Enter their respective sons: Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. I don’t know who belongs to whom, but the mother had to have popped out one of them … at, like, what, seven?! Even then, Botox can only do so much, and certainly not enough if one had to raise such a terror. And less convincing is the humor. But I’m no pessimist. I can see the silver lining. The days of obnoxious, unoriginal teenagers ruining Will Ferrell gold have come to an end.

The standard fare of any commercial for a movie starring Will Ferrell is to give people a universal inside-joke to tide them over until it opens; and the best they can do is, “Hello, Ms. Lady”?! Unacceptable.
- Niko

With two summer action flicks, it’s no surprise that Brendan Fraser looks the same in this and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. But if he could manage a wardrobe change between sets, then maybe he could also part his hair other than in the middle or even slick it back. In any case, our favorite Encino man is brought back to his roots as him and his family fall to the Earth’s core, which looks a lot like the Stone Age. (Okay, humans never lived alongside dinosaurs, but I wanted to make the reference.)

This is your typical fun-for-the-whole-family adventure; however…

… for also being in eye-popping 3d. Who’s not a sucker for that? If you’re to watch this movie, this is the only way. Mind-altering drugs optional, but highly recommended.
- Niko

Three chimps are set to become astronauts; following the archetypes of the spastic underdog, duh-headed leader (most likely voiced by the same guy who played Kronk in The Emperor’s New Groove), and level-headed, but forgettable female who all get involved in a love triangle… in space. One can only hope references are made toward the diaper-sporting Lisa Nowak (better known as the Crazy Astronaut). C’mon, monkeys fling poo, it’s just so obvious!

I am one to normally hate on how played out 3d-animated breakdancing is and dock points accordingly, but pop-locking to the Beverly Hills Cop theme song wins.
- Niko

Furthering their typecasted celebrity, Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman reprise their roles as a smoldering bad ass and comforting grandfather. However, these are the only things that Wanted seems to get right. While Hollywood is notorious for defying and destroying the laws of technology (see Untraceable), it manages to one-up itself as Wesley Gibson googles his name to zero search results. First, he didn’t even put his query in quotations, which opens the floor to any page that contains those two words at any point. Second, say he properly knew how to use search engines, he still would’ve found something seeing as his name is as generic as white bread.

Let’s see what happens when we google “Wesley Gibson” and, for purity, omit the movie title from our return. Oh look, scores of pages!

All nerding out on how to effectively scour the Net aside, this is… still awful.
- Niko